Memory is never to be trusted because it can be tampered with, it can be compromised and it's definitely not good for storing long-term thoughts. The truth about those 'forgotten' thoughts is that they're like those
romantic bottled messages scattered and whisked away by the waves of the ocean. When we remember them, it's akin to those bottled messages resurfacing and being found by some random and so very hot we have this illusion of being soulmates dude. But of course, the content of this paragraph is based solely on the author's irrelevant and very poor opinion of her memory, thus this should not be accepted as a postulate but as a theory it may do.
So, the rationale behind this post is basically the post's title: counting my blessings. As I go on with my one-way spiritual journey, of course I don't intend to go back, hence the adjective one-way, else I'm just fooling myself. If there is one thing that resonates from the time I was taking up CLVE classes (Christian Living and Values Education, if my memory doesn't want to embarrass me, I got the acronym correct), leading a Christian life would be hard because Satan would have to focus its influence on you more to bend your path. But of course, this will not happen if we believe that Jesus is always looking out for us. In my personal experience, I heard the Word many times before. I was inspired to the point of crying and swearing that from now on I will live a Christian life. But what a big lie that was. After about 2 weeks, I went back to my old ways and waahlaah~ back to zero. But now, it's different.
I remembered the worst test of faith I had during the latter days of January wherein I semi-clashed with the beliefs/teachings of another person belonging to another religion. I was totally helpless because I could not counter the things the person said about my religion. The words were so intense that I was almost inclined to be part of the person's religion, but I was held back. Something was holding me back that time, because I was partly reluctant. I mean, me - I pride myself on the strong foundation of my principles and yet I could be swayed by this person, who I barely knew, who says that all those things I believed in since before was utter crap. Wait, wait, wait. That is not the way to go. Even if I didn't attend the mass religiously and I wasn't very enthusiastic on proclaiming the Lord, I couldn't just let go whatever was my leverage on my supposed faith. So I sought help from my CLVE teacher before and I was washed with relief that I had been right to stay strong. Thus, the start of my reformation.
After being reconnected with my CLVE professor, God gave me another person (and finally, a group!) who I can depend on in times of religion conflict. Though Sherwin is a Born Again and I'm a Catholic, the way he preaches is simply the same. Although we made clear to each other that we have different religious beliefs coming from different religions, I knew I could trust him in the matters of the Bible. So every week, I attend two bible studies - Feast Amorsolo and this weekly bible study with him. I remembered my first bible study with this guy Sher, it was an emotional roller coaster for me. Simply because I'm a total drama queen and well it was hard for me to adapt to that person (the one with different beliefs) and the obvious religious attacks. There wasn't much to talk about because it was the first bible study he conducted and because he just wanted to relay the message that Love God above all and love others as you love yourself. During the second bible study, I semi-learned about my purpose in life, as I have posted 2 posts ago.
However, Feast Amorsolo is what really hit me for real. I remembered Ms. Rissa Singson-Kawpeng's spiritual realization: Saan ako kakapit kung pati ang lupang kinatatayuan ko nagugunaw din? Well, it was not verbatim but that's the idea. And I was like, Oh my wow. Lord is really amazing and like totally, as if I couldn't stop fangirling about Dante from Devil May Cry. But of course, I cannot fangirl the Lord because He's already my brother and best friend. I was hit by that truth and as usual, yours truly became another emotional mess. But that is to say, Feast Amorsolo really strengthened what I have been cultivating since February 6 (first bible study). It just revealed to me that the Force which kept me strong during my test of faith, the Force that turned be 180 degrees back to Him is none other than Jesus. Actually at first, I thought I would yo-yo back the way I was before after the first bible study. But I learned that if you really surrendered - totally completely to God, He would be there to support you. He would not forsake you. And this is my testament.
So, the point of this post is to help me remind myself of God's blessings to me everyday. Honestly, He's been providing me in His own amazing ways. And everytime the realization would hit me, I could only say, 'Bro, you're so amazing.'