A Cruel World

"I don't want to mistake kindness for affection. It caused a few handful of heartaches in this world."

-Sacdalan, 2012

via tumblr

I've known this for as long as the author of that quote posted it. I've lived by it and it did me good. It was a binary kind of lifestyle. Just 1 and 0. Yes and No. Like and dislike. Good and bad. Black and white. No gray areas. No other midtones. None. When you start giving color to everything, it gets complicated.

And that is exactly what I did.

Falling in like with someone should have made me feel inspired. Should make the eight-hour drag of office work seem like a minute. I should have been very enthusiastic when waking up in the morning. There were many things I should have been but I wasn't. I wasn't supposed to feel this way. This teenage-like internal squealing when I see him. Or that unnecessary nervousness that seem to prelude an ominous event. Or that strange heart palpitations that did not come from caffeine. And perhaps, the worst was drinking coffee and finding something to blame that erratic rhythm. 

There was a time I sat beside him when I felt the tips of my fingers being dipped in liquefied ice even when the window was opened. It was the same time when exchanging unpleasantries became more of a habit than an occasional unwinder. But he was kind - often talks to me when I sit beside him. He lets me peek a snippet of his life once in a while and I thought it was endearing.

But not anymore when he mentioned his girl.

"Let us offer a moment of silence for our friendzoned brother." via tumblr

And just one of the many reasons why the world is cruel is that we often mistake kindness for love.