A-musings of Trivialities Answered

A while back, I asked myself on how to be mature. 

Is it to develop proper manners? Is it to be able to act cool and collected? Is it to change your point of views in a broader sense?

These are some of the questions I posed on myself. They didn't actually made sense to me at all until such time I just decided that maturity is a resignation of some sort. Though naturally, others will call it acceptance, or coming to terms with responsibility. But I recently saw a photo shared on ShareCatholic's FB page which basically answers my questions.

Letting Off Steam

          Have you ever met someone so inconsistent with his words and actions it makes your head spin faster than a whirlpool? He tells you to be transparent with him - to tell him what you exactly feel about him. To be honest to him. He won't be angry. Yes, I tried being frank. And look what happens: He did not get angry - he just left. He's not preaching what he says. I've met these kinds of people disguised as my "short-term friends"- too many of them back in high school. But as Lang Leav said, 

"The things that seem to matter less, are the ones we put on show."

         It's not one of my best poems and I'm not even infinitesimally proud of it, but it exactly reflects what I feel about these hot and cold people - the Ciel way. Rough, rude, blunt, unrefined and totally not complete without a minor string of swear words. I'm so sorry I'm just talented in the field of saying swear words.

Brewing Trouble

Sometimes I Forget that I'm still a Kid

          Working at a company for an internship has its perks. I get to meet new people and hopefully find new friends. I find the environment even more refreshing than the constant drag and pull of time back in DLSU. What can I say? I've spent my entire life in those four walls of the room. Sometimes, there are five walls when I felt that the worker who was laying out the cement miscounted the corners he was happily making. And that's my problem. At least I am free to act like me. Who is me?

          Me who runs along the corridors and through all the maze made by those insensitive people who seemingly care about nothing but their sad sob story to be told - not minding they were actually very much blocking the runway, excuse my awesome self. Me who sings my lungs (and larynx) out with Through the Fire (Chaka Khan's version, puhlease) and other birit-worthy songs at the fire exit. Me who would emote to myself on a ledge while looking down the once-football-field-turned-to-Henry-Sy-grounds. Me who would talk to myself on my seat and don't give a shit about my changing expressions. My who would giddily drag my friends to Agno or EGI for lunch. Me who would animatedly talk about my day-to-day misfortunes and laugh at them like they never did affect me.

          And that's when I realized being in this world - the corporate world - is not easy. With my current self, I have to put up a front that would be expected by these people, and of course to not be overly weird. Sometimes I lose myself and my antics would come out. Man, I tell you hiding is hard. I'm not exactly the bearer of the Most Talented Two-Faced Douchebag trophy. And of course, faking is not exactly in my immediate vocabulary unless otherwise stated. This constricting mask makes it so that it's only a matter of time when I would finally snap and be used to this kind of lifestyle. I have to leave my mask and develop a different persona - fast. I mean, I only have around 36 units left before I graduate. I'll never be ready even if I have balikbayan box of excuses.

          Though I did notice that the people I'm working with are exactly the manifestations of the people I have met during my entire stay in the university. There are these people that clicks faster with me than the rest. Then there are these quiet people who tend to lose themselves more around themselves than the others. (What.) And of course, there are these mature people who feels like my parents. I love my environment. I love the people I work with. I love the things I do in the office (COUGHfacebooktwitterwriteblogyoutubeCOUGH). But I'm having a hard time catching up to their level of maturity. I find myself joking and I honestly don't know if 

(1) they get the joke,

(2) they are offended by the joke

(3) they don't know if it's a joke.

The last thing I would want is a civil war with myself (and those people). But then I realized, yes their ages are like two-digit numbers away from me and I really can't blame my birthday (or anything else for that matter). Rather, I should just man up (or woman up) and at least act like them. And this is why I so look forward to every thesis meeting we have. For a breather.

Anyway, I just wanted to let it off my chest.

Restrained